Manners Matter: Helper's Guide

Introduction

About the Series

Manners Matter is an etiquette curriculum with consecutive products for three age groups. Youth use the series in cooperation with and adult helper. The series includes activity guides for ages 5 to 8, 9 to 12, and 13 to 19, plus a Helper's Guide.

This Helper's Guide serves several purposes. It contains tips for understanding life skills, the experiential learning model, and learning development in youth; supplemental information, set-up instructions, and answer keys for certain activities; and new activities designed for group participation.

Advice for the Helper

There's a saying that manners are caught, not taught. Certainly the behavior of youth is influenced, positively and negatively, by what they see their parents and other adults do. But children also need gentle instruction about how to behave politely and treat others with respect. Almost as soon as they learn to talk, children are taught to say "please" and "thank you." They probably would be slow to add this to their vocabulary on their own. It is a likely combination of education and example that inspires children to develop good manners.

As a helper, you should lead by example. Also, observe and point out the good behavior of others. You should help youth learn by encouraging them to explore reasons behind etiquette. Some rules of etiquette will not make sense to very young children, so they will need to practice and perfect manners, just as they would practice a skill like tying their shoes.

As you progress through the activities, reinforce the youth's good behavior with praise. Be alert to any courteous actions the youth initiates on his or her own. Compliment the youth as often as is appropriate. Remark subtly on other people's thoughtfulness and good behavior ("That was really nice of so-and-so to remember my birthday"). Try to avoid correcting the youth, especially in front of others. After all, it is generally considered bad manners to correct someone, even if they are breaching the rules of etiquette.

Talk to your Extension representative about other people in your area who are using Manners Matter. If you network with other helpers, you can share ideas, advice, and resources. You'll also find a potential pool of youth who can participate in the group activities in the Helper's Guide.

Finally, here are some tips to get you oriented:

• Make sure you have a copy of the entire curriculum. Read the Helper's Guide and the youth activity guides before starting.
• Educate yourself on current standards of etiquette. The "Resources" section of each level's activities lists a variety of books on etiquette for youth. These are just a few of many fine resources available in the libraries and bookstores.
• Assist the youth in doing the activities.
• Help the young person think through why something happened the way it did. Make sure you review and discuss the "Finishing School" questions at the end of each activity. The experimental learning process is not complete until participants have reflected on the experience and applied what they learned to their everyday life.
• Provide moral support and positive feedback. Help youth discover their strengths and weaknesses.